Talking To Strangers

 This is a short post on how I have perceived my social interactions here.

I recognize that our group of student teachers seems less social than groups before us. We all consider ourselves introverts. We enjoy traveling, obviously, and interacting with others, especially children, obviously, but it seems to take something out of us. We come home and we need an hour alone, to do planning or reading; just quiet, away from others. So, the fact that we have not made many “friends” falls partially on our shoulders. Our personalities are just not conducive to seeking out conversations during our free time. However, the conversations we have had did not leave me wanting more. I do not want to generalize, so I will say that the following commentary is about six people I’ve regularly had conversations with.

First of all, these people have often initiated conversations when I’m not expecting them. I might be working on lesson plans, for example, while sitting within the house or on the porch. I could be on a roll, in the zone, totally busy with my work and distractedly absent from the conversation, and the person would continue talking. I understand that our social cues are probably different, but it seems like they’re not watching me at all for any signs that I might not want to be talking. I also think that, since they don’t have the same sense of time, they might not understand that I’m stressing about planning a lesson on time. Still, whether they understand or not, it’s inconvenient and stressful for me to be forced into an hour-long (or more) conversation when I need to get work done.

Second, I usually am not involved too much in the conversation. With a few individuals, I can’t even get a word in. I don’t really understand this. Is it because they’re my elder (although one is only older than me by a few years) and I should listen to their wise words? Is it because I am a woman (all six individuals are men) and my opinions don’t matter as much? (This actually seems fairly plausible, since we were repeatedly asked by men if Matt was our "group leader" because he was the male. A few men would only directly talk to Matt, ignoring our presence.) Is it because I’m American, and they’re just so excited to talk to an American that they have to get all of their thoughts out? Is it because I’m listening quietly, as is respectful in my culture, instead of talking at the same time or telling them I’m busy, which wouldn’t be disrespectful in theirs? I’m sad to say that, after almost 2 months here, I haven’t figured it out.

Perhaps most importantly, all six of these people have, at one point or another, told me what to believe or do, without giving me the opportunity to state my opinion. For example, I have been told that I don’t go to church enough and that I really ought to praise God for getting me here safely, etc. I’ve been told that my country really shouldn’t meddle with Uganda’s anti homosexual policies and with the situation in the Ukraine. These were not conversations, but lectures. I do not like lectures, especially as a teacher. In these two instances, the individuals really closed the door to learning from each other.

Finally, when we attend events where we are the only mzungu, we’re given oddly special treatment. We are ushered to the best seats, and a line of people comes to shake our hands and greet us. It’s nice, and welcoming, but it feels somewhat empty to me. People don’t go beyond asking “how is your life?” and it feels like they see us as belonging to a group, having the label of mzungu, without seeing us as individual people. We’re not given the opportunity to start conversations, because we’re scooted around and told what to do, and no one starts meaningful conversations with us. In many situations, too, there’s a significant language barrier. Even if people speak English, we often do not understand one another.

So, all of this makes me somewhat withdrawn from society here. I know that talking with people could help me learn a lot, but I frankly do not feel like being lectured at for an hour. Right now, I’m really excited to go home and talk! I’m yearning for the friendly midwesterner who you can strike up a conversation with at a bar or at the bus stop. I know there’s a lot you can learn about people from talking with strangers, and I like meeting people who feel the same way. I understand that there’s a lot of cultural clashes happening here, and that I need to be adaptable and learn from another culture. I do look forward to more opportunities in the future to interact with other cultures. But I’m also eager to return to knowing what’s going on, having the same codes, and being able to laugh at a joke, if only for a brief time. Maybe I’m not learning as much as I should be, but at least I now I won’t take social interactions within my culture for granted, which I think is a fairly important thing to learn.

One notable exception to these observations and feelings, though, has been talking with the P6 teacher, Teacher Rau. Even though he wasn’t officially a cooperating teacher of mine, I interacted with him more than any other teacher and formed a great friendship with him. He even invited me to his house for lunch (which doubled as a home visit, because his younger brother is one of my students). We talked about education, laughed, shared tons of delicious food, and he showed me his family’s small plot of land and a nearby bridge. I haven’t passed a more enjoyable afternoon with a platonic friend in a very long time.

In contrast to all prior observations, Rau asks me questions, treats me quite normally, respects my opinion, and is not very judgemental of others’ differing opinions. And we have a great time, telling stories and making jokes. So that just goes to show that you can’t make sweeping generalizations.

With the Rau family, minus the brother who took the picture

I crossed this wobbly bridge!